Only if There Are Angels in Your Head

An argument for maybe

Photo by NASA

The World I Live In

by Mary Oliver

I have refused to live
locked in the orderly house of
     reasons and proofs.
The world I live in and believe in
is wider than that. And anyway,
     what’s wrong with Maybe?

You wouldn’t believe what once or
twice I have seen. I’ll just
     tell you this:
only if there are angels in your head will you
     ever, possibly, see one.

---

For years, as he pulled out of the driveway in the morning, our neighbor, Bill, would honk his horn two times. It was an inside thing he had with his wife, Jane.  His way of saying, ‘I love you, dear. I’ll see you later.’ Hearing it made me smile every time. 

I guess I figured Jane would probably outlive Bill, as so many wives do.  But then about ten years ago, she died.  Bill, now in his 80’s, still lives in the house by himself.  And every morning that he goes somewhere, for the past ten years, as he pulls out of the driveway, he honks his horn two times.

I’ve never asked him if he believes that what he’s doing is a way of keeping Jane’s memory alive or something more.  But he’s on my mind as we say goodbye to the five “missed perceptions” Elizabeth and I introduced in October. 

To remind you, we listed five things almost anyone would agree are true.  That to be human is to be:

Physical
Separate
Vulnerable
Mortal
And living in a world that can be cruel

Then we suggested there is another level of reality that is harder to ‘see’ but no less true.  A level in which we are also:

Spiritual (we have souls)
Interconnected (think aspen trees or the fingers on your hand)
Unharmable (at the soul level we are immune to injury)
Immortal (we live on in some way)
And living in a world where everything is held by Love (including even the cruelty)

Maybe to you, that second list sounds like nonsense.  Or maybe it seems so obviously  unprovable, and therefore irrelevant to daily life, it’s pointless to talk about it.  Or maybe you move between your heart feeling like it might be true, and your head telling you it just can’t be.  Wherever you are, I get it.  This stuff is strange.